“From the sublime to the ridiculous…” If one place ever covered the spectrum, it’s Southern California, where awesome natural splendor shares an uneasy existence with man-made hell.

I conducted my journey by car: that internally-combusting—and infernal, some would say—device that has come to define the California existence. Golf wasn’t on the menu; I didn’t think either vehicle I drove—the Porsche Carrera 4 or the Mercedes SLK280—could accommodate two golf bags. I’d have to confine my drives to the road.

Good thing, too, because I needed every bit of concentration to deal with drivers who lack lane discipline and familiarity with the left-hand stalk projecting from their steering columns. After a few near misses, I pull the Porsche into Santa Monica’s astonishingly swank Casa Del Mar. A bastion of roaring twenties high society, the grand dame underwent a $65 million dollar renovation six years ago, resulting in an elegant and refined edifice of soaring pillars and vaulted ceilings, beautifully chosen décor and richly textured rooms.

The green-white marbled bath in my sumptuous suite refreshes me. The bed’s wonderful; I seem to float above the Pacific, and have little desire to rejoin the living the next morn. But I do, and my friend and I head to a local institution, Chez Jay’s. Right across the street from the Ferris wheel on Santa Monica pier, for over forty years this hole in the wall has served up a terrific menu of fresh seafood fare to the TV and movie elite.

After a quick lunch, we’re off, and lucky for us, the C4’s all-wheel drive hardware still leaves room in the front-mounted trunk for lots of luggage as we head for Beverly Hills. Here the Panzer begins to come into its own. Despite the fact that Porsche 911’s are about as common as cockroaches in La-La Land, we still get our share of envious glances, the 997-series’s fresh face and C4 model’s huge hips seeming to pass the snob test. This is confirmed in the evening, as we approach the sushi-haven, Koi.

You know that you’re getting close to something good in LA when you see paparazzi flashbulbs going off. Sure enough, as we pull up in front, we were getting “papped.” It’s even worse as we leave the Koi, due to the presence three tables over of one Mrs. Spears, who ignites a tabloid tagline or two by changing her baby’s diaper atop the table.

The German car’s respectability is confirmed again when we exit our final watering hole that night to find the C4 parked up next to a Maybach and Bentley, and passers by still compliment us on how much they like our ride.

That night’s accommodations are provided by the chic Beverly Hills hotel Maison 140, whose intimate spaces and worldly staff had started our night off well with a terrific wine tasting amongst their well-connected guests.

Trading one Stuttgart ride for another, the next day we drive the bright red Benz up the Pacific Coast Highway to Santa Barbara. I retract the hardtop and settle into the snug cockpit. This is a special feeling place, even though this model’s place at the bottom of the Benz convertible hierarchy denies it some of the creature comforts of its bigger brothers. It does have terrific seats, an intuitive seven-speed auto box with a great manual override, and plenty of poke, courtesy of its 3-liter V6. Even this baby-Benz feels fleet enough for the task at hand, and its fruity exhaust note, while lacking the Porsche’s aggression, is in pleasant counterpoint to the great stereo as we head north over one of the world’s most scenic roads.

One astonishing vista after another unrolls before our eyes as we head further and further north. I begin to lean on the chassis. The base-spec wheel/tire combo may look anemic, but it provides ample grip, and the shoes’ tall sidewalls mean the SLK provides a cosseting ride was well. Airflow management top-down is terrific, permitting relaxed conversation at highway speeds.

I fell for Santa Barbara, hard. Picture Boulder on the beach and you wont be far off; strict building codes mean that it harmonizes with its beautiful backdrop to a degree few American cities do. Perfect climate and stunning vistas serve to give S.B. its reputation as the ‘American Riviera’. The natives are open and friendly, and consciously strive to keep this lovely garden spot from being perverted beyond recognition by its proximity to Los Angeles.

Following a route inspired by Sideways, we point our convertible north for a tasting or two at one of the countless wineries that dot this magical region. Our choice is Sunstone, and it doesn’t disappoint. Not only are the reds excellent and the views spectacular, but we meet a group of twenty-somethings who make sure we’re well provided with the cheese, fruit, and crackers. Two hours later, our new friends insist we accompany them to a secretive and secluded locale, Cold Spring Tavern.

This turns out to be the highlight of a truly amazing trip, and serves as a wonderful microcosm of what makes the area so special. Cold Spring resides at the bottom of a steep-sided canyon, and you wont find it on many maps. Supermodels rub elbows with Carhartt-clad workin’ folk at this 141-year-old watering hole that specializes in cheap local wine and beer, and the Tri-tip BBQ sandwiches.

Our H.Q. is the Hotel Andalusia, an incredible adobe dwelling right in the heart of Santa Barbara. Impeccably detailed, the rooms are bright and cosseting, and offer spectacular views over the city’s red-tiled roofs and palm trees. From the hotel’s beautiful patio roof, we witness sunset over the pacific turning everything to gold, and the mountains minutes to the east stand spectacular and proud. Our treatment is first-class, and the first night we enjoy great service during a pleasant meal in the Andalucia’s restaurant, 31 West. The second evening’s sustenance is provided by Square One, whose rich and varied cuisine serves as a tangible reminder of Santa Barbara’s sophisticated, cosmopolitan mien. This is followed by a night on the town, where the openness of locals again informs us of what an intoxicating and exciting place this is.

LODGING:

Hotel Andalucia: 31 West Carrillo St, Santa Barbara; 805-884-0300; andaluciasb.com
Hotel Casa Del Mar: 1910 Ocean Way, Santa Monica; 310-581-5533; hotelcasadelmar.com
Maison 140: 140 Lasky Drive, Beverly Hills; 310-281-4000; maison140beverlyhills.com

MEALS:
Chez Jay’s: 1657 Ocean Ave, Santa Monica; 310-395-1741
Cold Spring Tavern: 5995 Stagecoach Rd, Santa Barbara; 805-967-0066; coldspringtavern.com
Square One: 14 East Cota St, Santa Barbara; 805-965-4565; onerestaurants.com
Sunstone Vineyards & Winery: 125 Refugio Rd, Santa Ynez; 805-688-9463; sunstonewinery.com
Zen Yai: 425 State Street, Santa Barbara; 805-957-1193

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